How To Not Fail Your New Year's Resolution
Don't Disappoint Yourself
I’ve never set a New Year’s goal. Failure seems likely and I really hate letting myself down.
A couple of years ago, I was involved in a small writer’s club. We critiqued each other’s writing and shared new ideas. The truth is, I probably received more gifts out of those sessions than I was able to offer.
During one session, my colleague (and friend) ask me a simple, yet profound question: “What is your purpose?”
“Well, I’d like to finish writing this book, and to become a mindfulness meditation teacher,” I answered confidently.
“That’s not a purpose, those are goals,” he ushered.
Now, though it may not seem like an important distinction, it absolutely is. Let me tell you why:
A goal is a place you end up at, but your purpose guides the needle. If you know your purpose, you’re never lost. Even if you don’t reach your original goal.
Still with me?
Okay.
So I sat with it for a moment, then replied, “My purpose is to make mindfulness teachings and other Buddhist concepts more accessible to others, and to help reduce suffering in the world. My purpose is to continue waking up into my true nature, and inspire others to wake up as well.”
I may not reach my goal today or tomorrow, but I can live my purpose every single day. My goals may change, but my purpose will steer the course.
The other day I went to a plant nursery to buy Peace Lilies. I’ve recently reconnected with an estranged family member and want to present an offering to them. So much of my own healing in the past few years has stemmed from my radical realization that I am love. Being love, I can love not only myself, but others as well, including those who have hurt me. When we water our Peace Lilies, we will remember that we are love, cultivating a space for inner healing and a more compassionate foundation for a renewed relationship.
So anyway, I walk into the plant nursery. Have you ever walked in somewhere and felt all eyes on you? Like they were judging you because you didn’t “belong” there? That’s exactly how I felt when I walked into this nursery.
“She’s a plant killer,” their judging eyes whispered. I’d scoff at them but, well, it’s true. I gave up on house plants years ago after I killed my “unkillable” snake plant. But this time, I have a strong intention to keep this one alive.
I must have looked strange, walking back and forth, staring at the flower in the pot on the ground.
Was the pot too big for this plant? Too small?
Why do some of these pots have no drainage holes at the bottom? I thought drainage was important.
This plant looks happy in this pot. But is it happy? I can’t tell.
I was approached by a kind employee, who unintentionally scared me while I was deep in thought.
“Would you like some help?” She asked.
She looked to be in about her early twenties. Kind eyes, wavy hair.
“Oh my gosh, yes, please!” I energetically conceded.
She answered all my questions- how big of a pot to get for it, how often to water it, how to tell if it was not getting enough water.
“It’ll tell you if it’s thirsty,” she explained, “It’ll start drooping.”
“Good. I need it to tell me what it needs,” I admitted, “because I’m a plant killer. I’ve kept two children alive for seven years. Surely I can do this.”
She laughed.
I described my plan to give one to my mother and keep one for myself, and how I had a strong intention to keep this plant alive.
“You’ve got this, I believe in you,” were her parting words.
I believe in myself. Not necessarily to keep the plant alive, but to live my purpose. This plant is a reminder of my purpose, and in watering it, I water the seeds of my purpose. My purpose is how I live my life. It not only guides me to my goals, but it shapes how I show up in relationships, how I relate to suffering, how I view myself.
The late Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Your purpose is to be yourself. You don’t have to run anywhere to become someone else. You are wonderful just as you are.”
I still set goals for myself. Discovering my purpose hasn’t extinguished my drive. I just find myself caught up in striving less often. This year I’m hoping to start a donation based meditation group, putting my recent education into practice, and I’ve got my eyes set on a specific organization I want to work with. Later in 2025, I’m hoping to develop a curriculum and start offering mindfulness classes that support me financially as well.
The difference between these goals I’ve set for myself and the ones I’ve set in the past is that I’ve released my tight grip on them. I recognize that my goals can shift, and that as long as I’m following my purpose, I’m going in the right direction. I’ve learned to trust in my internal compass, instead of my perceived destination.
When I fail to reach an attempted goal, as I did with creating a financially successful mindfulness Youtube channel a couple of years ago, I can recover more quickly and pivot to other goals that are still in line with my purpose. My goals evolve as I learn more about myself and the world around me.
Each time I respond compassionately instead of react angrily to my childrens’ emotional outbursts, I am living my purpose. Each time I meditate, or take time to care for my inner well-being, I am living my purpose. Each time I hold space for a parent who is experiencing difficult emotions in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, I am living my purpose. And when a friend reaches out to me and reveals her struggle to see who she is beyond her labels and rigid thinking, I can live my purpose by telling her,
“You’re not alone. I’ve struggled with that a lot as well. But this one time, while on a silent retreat in nature, I had a glimpse into my true nature while sitting amongst the rocks and trees. I could see how I was connected to the Earth, to you, and to everyone else. When we take care of ourselves, we are taking care of each other. I am bigger than what I see inside the mirror, more expansive than any label can accurately describe.”
Basically, we are all connected. We are love.
So, I leave you with this simple, yet profound question to ask yourself:
“What is my purpose?”
If my writing resonates deeply with you, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription. This allows me to continue to grow my writing as part of my contribution to bringing mindfulness teachings to the world. Thank you!