Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash
“In every moment we are absolutely perfect because our true nature is indestructible. Our true nature cannot be conditioned by anything,” Anam Thubten
We need labels to navigate our lives effectively. When we are sick, labels empower us to seek medical attention. When our vehicle breaks down, labels enable us to find a mechanic. Labels serve an important purpose in our lives.
But do they always serve us well?
Labels can help us, and labels can destroy us.
“I am a bad mother. I am a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Nurse. I am a Democrat. I am unworthy.”
Labels can damage our relationship with ourselves:
We believe our labels are fundamentally who we are, so we fail to see our true nature. We desperately cling to labels we desire, and avoid those we dislike. This propels us into a disheartening lifelong cycle of chasing after some labels and running away from others.
Do you strive to “become” your idealized vision of a label?
I do.
It’s an exhausting, uphill battle that can’t be achieved. Once you arrive where you thought you were headed, the finish line moves further out of reach.
Have you ever experienced grief and loss related to losing a label?
I have.
When I left my position as a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit nurse, I felt like I was mourning a death. Not “owning” that label anymore felt like I lost a part of my core identity.
When we over-identify with labels, we pin our worthiness on conforming. We set ourselves up for disappointment, frustration and shame. By confining ourselves in neatly packed containers, we eliminate the opportunity to realize our full potential, our true nature.
Labels can sabotage our relationship with others:
Not only do labels confine us to containers, but when we label others, we confine them, too.
This is me, that is them.
I am like this, they are like that.
When we label ourselves and others, we create an in-group and an out-group, an us versus them. We make assumptions about others not in our group, and we fail to see what we have in common with them.
Have your relationships suffered because of conflicting labels?
Mine have.
After someone I knew mentioned supporting Donald Trump, I resented them. I made unfounded judgments about their character. I found it difficult to relate to them and to feel compassion for them.
By categorizing others, we squeeze them into a container that is not one-size-fits-all. We make assumptions about them, and create a wall between us that breaks down communication, understanding, and trust.
“We are so busy managing our lives, we forget the great mystery we are involved in,” John O’Donohue
The time for healing is now.
Our worth is tightly tied to our labels, and this has caused unnecessary suffering in our lives. But there is another path that is free of judgment and shame. Mindfulness is the light that guides us down this path.
What is mindfulness, and how can it help you become less attached to labels? If you practice it, a more authentic, peaceful life awaits you.
Join me on a path to discover a boundless, intentional and deeply connected life. In my book, Unbecoming Ourselves, I will share my personal experience with suffering related to attachment to labels, as well as Buddhist concepts and mindfulness practices that will help you discover your true identity.
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