Apr 26, 2023·edited Apr 26, 2023Liked by Heather Schenck (she/her)
My boyfriend, who died in April 2020 of COVID, left me thinking about a label: I think of myself as a "good partner," but I wondered after his death how I could have prevented that death, or how I could have made his life happier. So that was on my mind every damn day, and continues to be in the back of my mind whenever uncertainty fills me about other things.
When conspiracy theorist friends raise their uncertainties about whether COVID is real, or whether vaccines work, etc., particularly when they don't stop and seem to want to convince me, I do pull out the mourning COVID widower card, "How can you harangue me with this craziness, when you know my partner died of COVID?"
But under the surface there is a pointless anxiety that I didn't do enough: didn't keep him safe enough, didn't convince the doctors to use experimental treatments enough, didn't find better ways to create a healthier relationship while he was alive, etc.
Thank you for your comment, Dan. I think it's interesting that you point out that the stories that surround our labels often follow us throughout our lives. Sometimes we may not intellectually know why we are experiencing a specific response to a trigger, but the body knows. Reconnecting to our minds and bodies with nonjudgmental awareness can help us gain insight, paving the way to deep healing. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience.
I tried the 10 minute laundry folding exercise mostly because I had just brought up weeks worth of laundry and I had just finished reading this chapter. So why not lets try some mindful folding. Honestly, I had so many distractions between deciding to fold laundry and actually starting to fold it. Then when I sat down to fold two hours had already past. Then when the timer started I immediately got distracted and started thinking about the other things I had done for the past two hours prior to agreeing to start just 10 simple minutes of focused in the moment, being present task. I was shocked at how many times in just 5 minutes my mind started to wander and how many times I had to bring myself back to focusing on being present in the task at hand. By then end it got a little bit easier i did try to focus on the colors, patters, texture, temperature of the clothes to keep myself present but it was much harder than i thought. Definity something i'm going to keep working on!
Thank you for your comment, Laura! It is interesting how our “monkey mind” is always moving, jumping from branch to branch, or thought to thought. Even with a few years of practice, I still have moments where I can’t get my mind to settle for long periods of time. But, like any other muscle, we can strengthen our brain’s attention center with consistent practice. With consistent practice, you’ll start to notice longer periods of “hereness,” where your body and brain are in the same place at the same time. You’ll notice more clarity, more space, and more freedom. Thank you!
My boyfriend, who died in April 2020 of COVID, left me thinking about a label: I think of myself as a "good partner," but I wondered after his death how I could have prevented that death, or how I could have made his life happier. So that was on my mind every damn day, and continues to be in the back of my mind whenever uncertainty fills me about other things.
When conspiracy theorist friends raise their uncertainties about whether COVID is real, or whether vaccines work, etc., particularly when they don't stop and seem to want to convince me, I do pull out the mourning COVID widower card, "How can you harangue me with this craziness, when you know my partner died of COVID?"
But under the surface there is a pointless anxiety that I didn't do enough: didn't keep him safe enough, didn't convince the doctors to use experimental treatments enough, didn't find better ways to create a healthier relationship while he was alive, etc.
Interesting work. Thanks.
Thank you for your comment, Dan. I think it's interesting that you point out that the stories that surround our labels often follow us throughout our lives. Sometimes we may not intellectually know why we are experiencing a specific response to a trigger, but the body knows. Reconnecting to our minds and bodies with nonjudgmental awareness can help us gain insight, paving the way to deep healing. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience.
I tried the 10 minute laundry folding exercise mostly because I had just brought up weeks worth of laundry and I had just finished reading this chapter. So why not lets try some mindful folding. Honestly, I had so many distractions between deciding to fold laundry and actually starting to fold it. Then when I sat down to fold two hours had already past. Then when the timer started I immediately got distracted and started thinking about the other things I had done for the past two hours prior to agreeing to start just 10 simple minutes of focused in the moment, being present task. I was shocked at how many times in just 5 minutes my mind started to wander and how many times I had to bring myself back to focusing on being present in the task at hand. By then end it got a little bit easier i did try to focus on the colors, patters, texture, temperature of the clothes to keep myself present but it was much harder than i thought. Definity something i'm going to keep working on!
Thank you for your comment, Laura! It is interesting how our “monkey mind” is always moving, jumping from branch to branch, or thought to thought. Even with a few years of practice, I still have moments where I can’t get my mind to settle for long periods of time. But, like any other muscle, we can strengthen our brain’s attention center with consistent practice. With consistent practice, you’ll start to notice longer periods of “hereness,” where your body and brain are in the same place at the same time. You’ll notice more clarity, more space, and more freedom. Thank you!